Many of you who do not have the good fortune to live in this happy land of Justice and Probity have been pressing Lucy on her opinion of the Amanda Knox trial. Well, as behoves a frequently distressed damsel with any sort of sisterly feeling, she has been firmly in the Amanda camp throughout. True, she has not been privy to the many reams of paper and hours of courtroom confrontation that the judges have, but they too, it seems, have now come round, at their own pace, to her view. There is just one question which seems to Lucy to have gone unasked, and in a minute she’s going to ask it. Apparently the unfortunate Knox was observed performing a handstand during a lull in her interrogation. ‘Is that the behaviour of an innocent person?’ thunders the prosecuting side.
To be honest, this is a poser no immediate answer to which leaps to Lucy’s lovely mind, her own days of innocence and cartwheels being distressingly far off. It seems to her that we all have our own ways of countering stress, and that the performing of a handstand may well be juridically neutral. However, and here’s her counter-question: Is that the behaviour of a guilty person? Ha! Lucy would really, really like to know how many hardened criminals have betrayed themselves to Prosecutor Clouseau-Mignini’s forensic skills by inadvertently giving way to a handstand? If the percentage is very high Monsieur Mignini-Clouseau should not be hiding this powerful investigative tool under a bushel.
A lot of narky guff has been talked about Amanda Knox’s prospects of securing a lucrative book deal with which to offset the frightening legal fees her family has ratched up over the last four years. We understand that Dr. Mignini-Clouseau has some impending difficulties of his own, and in a spirit of public service Lucy can say (and she’s cleared this with the boys) that if this fine legal mind would like to expand his revolutionary theory to book length, the San Marco Press would be more than prepared to discuss a mutually beneficial contractual arrangement. ‘Guilt and Gymnastics’ by Giuliano Clouseau-Mignini-Clouseau – how does that sound? A bestseller or what?